Its still not me

Who I am and what I am going through is not the same. My identity is not desided by what I am going trhough. So if I now am dicouraged and feel everything is hopeless(like I do because I am depressed) don`t mean thats who I am. Normally I am a cheerful and happy person. Looking at the positive and good things in life, expecting good things to happen and somewhat ignoring the bad things that may or may not happen. I want to go back to that, but right now its not possible. I get depressed of my apartment. I get depressed of the fact that I seem to be unable to truely relax here. I want to move to a place where I have a view or atleast a place that is above ground. This basement apartment is no good for me, but I think its mainly because I need to have a place on my own and not live with others. I sometimes resent my roommate because what I need is to be alone, but I am not because she is here. Its not her fault and I quickly forgive her, because its not her fault. I chose to live here. Sure, I diden`t know what it realy ment to live like this, but still I chose to do it and she is not to blame. I am to be blamed, so now I resent myself aswell. Not a good cirle, but God will get me out of it. He always do. God forgive me, so now I just have to forgive me. And I need to find a way to live with this untill I find a place for myself where I can relax and not worry about what time my roommate will drop by. So what I am going through is not who I am. My friends know that, but sometimes I forget. So I have to keep reminding myself of who I am and what I am going through is not who I am. There is a difference and its important to remember that. At the same time I have to settle with the fact that this thing I am going through will take a long while and even though my friends wants me to have faith and hope, I need to be realistic. Yes, it would be fantastic if God healed me instant, in a moment, but so far thats not what he`s done. I don`t know why, I just have to keep being close to him, to seek his face and remember that He loves no matter what happens. Believing when you got you miracle, is easy. Believing when you have to wait and wait and wait and still haven`t got your miracle, that takes a strong faith. Its the way it is. My faith is strong, even when I am discouraged and feel hopeless deep down, I know God is with me and for me. He will get me through. He will, He always get me through. Have a good day.