Its ok to go through hard times

Wow, its really hard to be a person in trouble. I mean with problems that you can`t see on the outside. Especially in todays society when you`re supposed to look like a very successful person. Even in church or maybe is it even worse there. You`re not ment to show that you have a problem and if you admit that you`re not fine(that`s what you`re supposed to answer when someone ask you how you are doing. Fine.) But I am far from fine and I am just not going to pretend that I am. But when I admit that I am just not fine. I often meet a wage response, like it will be ok at the end. Or they start talking about something else. They get uncomfortable. I normally don`t mind that they start talking about something else, I mean sometimes a response just makes it worse.
Why is it that we always have to be ok and fine? I mean everyone, every single person on this earth go through hardships and struggles from time to time. Some more than others, but everybody have times of hardships.
Why isen`t ok to be in pain in a social setting? Why do we have to stop being social because we are going through some hard times?
Yesterday I went to church and a friend of me ask if I`m not good anytime, because everytime she ask me how I am doing I answer that I am not good now. Maybe I happen to meet her those days that are just not good at all. I mean this week the weather has been amazing and yes it made me more happy, but I am still sick. I still have a body that don`t cooperate with me. I want to have fun, join this party, go to the beach and get a tan. But I just can`t. If I choose to take a shower one day and than I have an appointment to meet a friend that is all I can do that day. I want to be able to spend more time with my friends, but I just can`t.

I could try to push myself to do more than what my body tells me I can and I do sometimes. It almost everytime ends up with me getting even worse. So than I ask myself if its worth it.
And than you have my friends. Well, my closest friends respects my boundries and they understands as much as they can without ever being in a similar situation. But than you have my other friends, the once I don`t see that often or those who live out of town and are here just from time to time. When they are in town and I can`t meet them they take it personally when it has nothing to do with them as a person. Its simpley not possible for me to meet them.

It is so incredibly hard and most of the time I am confused and don`t understand this. How on earth am I than going to be able to explain it to my friends and my family?

I sometimes tell my friends to read the spoon theory. It might make you understand a little bit more how it is.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

I started complaining about why its not ok to have bad days and periodes where everything is not good. It should be ok. Can`t it just be ok. Why does people don`t understand that that is also a normal part of life and stop making it something that is so terrible. I mean it feel really bad but its just for a time being.

Have a blessed day.
God loves you, even if you`re having a bad day ;)

He loves you too

My life is hard. At times I can`t see anything good in my future. I rarly laugh and I miss dancing with my heart. My energy is almost all gone. My body is withering, atleast thats what it feals like. I believe in a great God. A God that is bigger than my problems He is bigger than me He is bigger than you He is bigger than all my enemies He is perfect Love He cares He Loves He forgives He is worthy all my praise He is all good in one being He can make a way where there is no way He is my God He chose me He made me, with good thoughts in mind He will make a way and all I need to do is to stay close to him. All I need to do is to seek his face All I have to do is to seek to have a relationship with him. He loves you too :)

En kraftanstrengelse

Du vet du er sliten når bare det å løfte et glass med vann til munnen for å drikke litt føles som en kraftanstrengelse. Du vet tingene ikke er som de skal være når du våkner opp om morgenen og kroppen føles mørbanket, eller det føles som om kroppen har vært igjennom en hard treningsøkt mens du sov. Du vet du har et problem når de tingene du elsker å gjøre som gir deg liv, glede og overskudd har blitt ein stor byrde. Et stort ork, som bare ikke gir deg noe glede lenger. Du vet ting ikke er som de skal når ditt indre mennesker føles som en helt annen enn den som vennene dine ser. Du vet du er sliten når bare tanken på at du "må" besøke en venninne senere får deg til å synke sammen på sofaen, foran skjermen(tv eller data) og sitter der i timevis og stenger hele verden ute. Du forstår plutselig hvor viktig forståelse er for deg når du møter en fremmed som er så snill å faktisk bruker tid på deg mens du sitter i parken og nyter solen. Du nevner tilstanden din og merker hvor godt det er at noen ønsker bruke de minuttene på deg, samtidig kjenner du på at du egentlig ville være alene fordi du er sliten og enhver sosial setting krever mer energi og tar av overskuddet. Det går utover planene en har senere samme dagen, du blir nødt til å kutte dem ut, eller du tvinger deg til å gjøre mer enn du vet kroppen orker og dermed blir du sittende eller liggende på sofaen ett par dager bare for å komme deg igjen. Hvorfor må jeg alltid presse meg? Hvorfor må jeg alltid si nei? Hvorfor er bestevenninnen min også sliten? Hvorfor må jeg bære alt dette alene? Hvorfor kommer jeg alltid tilbake til denne situasjonen, hvor jeg bare ikke orker mer? Hvorfor klarer jeg ikke kommunisere hva jeg føler? Hvorfor er det så vanskelig for mine venner å forstå? Hvorfor er det så mye lettere for meg å ta hensyn til mine venner, men presser meg selv til jeg er helt utmattet? Hvorfor er det ingen som sier til meg at det er helt i orden at du tar en pause, tar en pust i bakken? Hvorfor er det slik at jeg faller sammen når jeg endelig kommer til det punktet at jeg tar en pause? Mine hvorfor- spørsmål får meg ingen steder, men de surrer likevel rundt i hodet mitt. Det er så vanskelig å måtte sei nei til alle de tingene jeg har så inderlig lyst å oppleve. Være med venner, familie og reise å besøke folk som betyr noe for meg. Male, danse, latter, glede, skriving. Evnen til å se Gud i de små tingene, som en sommerfugl som flyr forbi meg, i solnedgangen. Jeg er så langt fra å være meg at jeg tror jeg snart mister meg selv. Hva skjedde? Og selv midt i dette vet jeg innerst inne at Gud har en vei. Gud leder meg og Gud lar meg ta en pause. Gud leder meg steg for steg, og selv midt i all forvirringen min er hans Kjærlighet den samme. Han vil bare det aller beste for meg og uten han hadde jeg allerede vært død. Han er min klippe, min glede og min frelser. Han lytter og han bryr seg og han er den eneste som fullt ut kan forstå meg. Takk Jesus!